Another Chance Ranch

To Sew or Not to Sew

I guess I don't have the option to really sew anything right now.  My sewing machine is in it's box safely tucked inside our storage unit.  But Monday I had a dilemma, to sew or not to sew.   I have a pair of tan colored dress pants that I absolutely love, but I haven't been able to wear them for two years and I decided to try a new n0-sew trick. 

You see, approximately 2 years ago I got tired of wearing said pants because they were a tad bit too short.  They had a cuff, so you can imagine what I did.  I let the cuff out.  They looked great, but now they were too long.  I tried every pair of heeled shoes I had with those pants because they are one of my favorite pair.  Well, they hung in the closet waiting for me to hem them.  I just don't do that well though.  So on a trip down south to see some of McD's family, his Aunt who is an amazing seamstress, the whole pants situation came out.  She laughed and told me what her daughter used to do in college with her pants that needed hemmed.

She would duct tape a hem into her pants and then remove the duct tape for laundering and then do it all over again the next time she wore the pants.  Well, I didn't have any duct tape in the house so I settled for a different kind of tape.  The only thing I had handy was the Priority Mail tape from the good ol' posting office.   I started with the left leg and it worked great.  Then I did the right leg and it did, well...okay.  I thought they both looked good enough to wear and I headed out the door.  When I arrived at the office I did a little hem check and all was good.  After walking to the bathroom and back to my desk I noticed that the right leg was beginning to come un-done.  Not good.  I searched for packing tape, or duct tape and came up empty-handed.  Then I had to ask the girls what to do.  I was a bit embarrassed at first, but then I needed a solution ASAP.  Just imagine standing in your office with one hem up and one hem down dragging the floor.  Not a good thing. 

One of the girls said I should just put a cuff on them, and then it hit me.  I could staple a cuff on them for the time being.  That is exactly what I did, and it worked wonderfully!  We laughed about it the rest of the day.  I guess if you can't laugh at yourself sometimes then you might have issues.  Since I am still laughing at myself I thought I would let everyone else have a good laugh as well.

The Girls of the 2DB Cattle Co.

Occasionally when we are out checking cattle I have these strange ideas.  On this particular day I decided that the cows (girls) have unique hairstyles.  These are just a few of their winter dos. 

This is one wild woman.   Her hairstyle kind of reminds me of a guy we know.  We will call this style the "comb forward."  This guy, we'll call him Bell-Boy, he is just almost bald but he can't accept it.  He has this little tuft of hair that is always combed forward.  I just want to hold him down and shave his head.

She had just winked at me, that is why her eye looks like that.  :)

Mohawk?  Or just a spikey look?  I wonder how she gets it to stand up that way...

This hairstyle is quite interesting from day to day.  She has curls, but she also has straight bangs.  She is one of the cows that thinks I should feed her by hand.

The Wave.  You know how much money I would have to pay for a wave like that?  A lot!  And her's doesn't get all frizzy when its humid.  Lucky Girl!

Okay, who was it that had hair like this? 

This is just kinky.  Rows!  Ha!  This is actually one of the boys, he has rows!  Oh I am cracking myself up!

I think there is a layering problem here.  She needs a new stylist.

Well, hope you got a kick out of these girls and their dos.  Summer dos to follow...one of these days.

Bovine Babes - T & A

Teets & A$$ that is...

Look at that face!  Gorgeous I tell ya!  #2 has been chosen for the cover of Bovine Babes.  She is one HOT Mama!  She loves 20% cubes and will eat them right out of your hand.  She loves to graze on the wheat and hang out by the pond all day long.

The Bovine Babes centerfold is none other than #48.  She keeps her hooves naturally polished, just look at the shine.  Gaze your eyes upon her delicate, ummm, ankle and right up to her long lean leg.

Oh what a nicely filled udder, and check out those teets.  They are full are ready to be sucked. 

Because of this photo #48 did not want to show her face.  She wants to keep her private life all her own.  Her teets are nice and full, just waiting for a special someone.

You should see her shake her thang when she walks.  It drives all the Bulls wild!

#48's Favorites:

Food:  wheat

Musical Group:  The Singing Cows

Moovie:  Home on the Range  "Those hollywood mooovie makers need to get it right, bulls have balls not udders!!  Dimwits!"

Last job before becoming a Bovine Babe Centerfold:  Calf sitting

Note from Editor:  To read more about #48 feel free to pick up our latest issue at your nearest Co-Op.

Hats

Hat #1 - the red one there with rhinestones. 

Hats #2 & #3:  The couple there with their cap and sunvisor sideways.  They were protecting their faces from the sun.  Really.  But they could have just got hats like the lady behind them.  :)

A great way to keep a hat on is too use a barrette.  When going to a baseball game it is always best to wear a barrette that coincides with your teams colors.  :)  She was a Rangers fan.  But lookie here, see the sunhat with the green ribbon on it?  That is a man wearing that hat.  I think he is confused.  I like the way the ribbon comes down next to his face so he can tie it under his chin. 

And now, The Donald look-alike.  He is there in the right corner with the black glasses.  He was fast, everytime he would turn so I could get a photo of his face, he would turn.  He was married to an asian lady who never sat in her seat.  She was up and down and up and down.  Oh she was annoying!  But if she is married to the second Donald, I guess she can be.

The hugger will be revealed tomorrow.

Drunk in Public

Okay, so I can't say it the way Ron White says it, just imagine him saying it.   Oh what a night, sing a long if you remember the song. 

Anyone that knows me, knows that I do not drink much at all.  But when I do, I have fun.  I don't drink too much, but since I don't drink very often it hits me faster than most.  Okay, so I am a lightweight.  There I said it, I'm a flippin' lightweight, cheap date, whatever.  So, anyhoo I needed to go to Wal-Mart, or Wally's Family Fun Center, to get a few things for my office you know to dress it up a tad.  I invited a friend to hang out with me for the evening.  I lured her with Margaritas.  The only hitch was that I forgot to fill up the ice trays back at the trailer so we didn't have ice.  Solution:  Go to Sonic and get Large cups of ice, pour pre-made margarita into cup and you're good to go.  Good to go to Wal-Mart.  I don't know if I will ever be able to go to WM without a little cocktail ever again.

We poured the forbidden juice into our cups of ice at 7:15ish and entered WM.  We were johnny or should I say jane-on-the-stop on the open container deal, we sacked them up and threw them away at WM before entering.  We knew what we were doing.  We enter WM and began our shopping.  We were doing great until my friend who would like to remain anonymous, Muncy, accidentally bumps into a woman or the woman accidentally bumped into her.  Muncy says, "Oh, I should have signaled!"  I lose it, I am bent over the cart laughing.  The ladies face was priceless.

We head over to do more shopping for my office deco and we decide that since both of our Sonic cups are empty we need refills.  So, we turn our cart around and head to the alcohol aisle.  We had already been drinking some margaritas bought at the liquor store, and our ice was already margaritay so we decided to just stick with that.  Bartles & James saved the day, they weren't near as good but they worked.  You can fit one and a half wine coolers in a large Sonic cup, did ya know that?  Plus, you can walk around in Wal-Mart with it and no one knows.  Hee Hee!!  That gal named Muncy, who people are trying to figure out what her last name is, did the refills.  She went to the counter paid for the drinks, came and got my cup from me and walked out to my truck.   She refilled them, dumped the evidence and returned to the shopping adventure.  YEAH!

Then we are standing in an aisle and a man, two women and a baby are about to turn down the aisle we are on and he stops the cart, faces it back toward the main aisle and says very loudly, "Every freakin' aisle."  Now we just assumed that he meant there was someone on every freakin' aisle.  But we got a lot of use out of that line for the rest of the night. 

By this time we are feeling pretty good, we had made our way around the store and were on our second lap.  By this time, we were signaling.  At the end of the aisles one of us would signal, with sound effects and all.  We were having a blast I tell ya!  We made our way to the frame's and there was a little Wal-Mart guy working at facing the aisle.  You know where you put everything back in place after a bunch of drunk shoppers destroy it.  Muncy began helping him straighten things up.  I started talking to him about how if we mess things up it is job security for him.  As we left the aisle we told him we were going on over to furniture to mess some stuff up.  It was one row over and he could hear us, so we moved some things around.  Nothing big just a bar stool, a box and maybe a lamp shade.  When I moved the bar stool I had to set my drink down, oops I left my drink.  I had that buggy at warp speed to retrieve my forbidden juice. 

We had determined at this point that our state could have been leviated due to not eating anything for supper.  Hmmm, Wal-Mart has a McDonalds. That was settled, after checking out we would eat a cheesseburger and fries.  Yum.  Or not so yum. 

We mosey'd on over to the candy aisle because you can't get a candy dish and not candy.  We were on the Easter candy row and we found a cow that poops candy.  Ree had posted about a dog that Barbie had that pooped.  The big difference here is that you eat the poop!  Really, Muncy tried it and it was good.  But right before she tried it she had to show the two girls that were shopping what we had found.  She was very polite about it.  She asked them if they had a good sense of humor, and then she showed them.  I just know they were looking for them after we demonstrated how it worked.  We had a hard time finding them, but we did.  I got pooping ducks for Poohs & Punky and a cow for my office.  Now if it didn't moo when it pooped it would be a good thing.

We checked out at the self-checkout but Muncy had to go and buy something that messed it all up.  She had to go and be re-checked by the man.  I checked myself out without any hitches and off to MickeyD's we went.  We ordered, we ate, we pottied, and then we hit the road.  I got home at about 10:20 pm.  We had been at Wally's Family Fun Center for almost 3 hours.  That was the best trip to Wal-Mart EVER!

The Wedding of the Year

The wedding of the year was sent to me in an email.  I get a lot of emails that have been forwarded and I rarely read them.  Mainly because, who has time and also because they are normally the same thing over and over.  This one I opened because my best friend is a wedding photographer and I had to check this out before I shared it with her.  It happened to make a great practical joke too!  Hope you enjoy it as much as we have.  You have to read the story with it, to fully appreciate these photos.

Introducing the wedding party:

First, the handsome groomsmen and the fine looking groom (in red):

Red ties, black ties, no tie. Mass confusion.     "Alright, everyone . let's line up for the picture. Let's see ..... hmmm, where shall we .... oh, yes! Perfect! Everyone, please move quickly! Right over there, in front of the garage. Yes, that will be just smashing!"   I guess a jacket at a wedding would just be too citified, so let's just pin these boutonniere's right on the white shirts. Bubba, put down that cigarette!  And no smoking during the ceremony!   I told him it's tacky to light up during the sermon.  If we could have put the wedding off for two more months, the groom would have saved enough money for a pair of black shoes. I told him his tennis shoes have black trim....that's good enough.

Next, the lovely bridesmaids and the blushing bride:

Not everyone can pull off such a vibrant red, but I think this group does it.. Sassy, I tell you, just sassy.

Last, the cute couple:

Those Wal-Mart slides really enhance her ankles.   Too bad they didn't come in white.    Note how their "outdoor backdrop" is a clearing probably behind the All-Sups where the weeds actually got mowed just for this occasion.

At least his head is somewhat proportionate. To her left boob.

What's she showing us here? A severe case of knee gout?? Apparently, whatever it is has her husband in more of a stupor than usual - How bout those teeth?

"You SO crazy, honey ."

"Here baby, let me help you up here ....."

You can almost hear the banjo music.

Monday, Monday

Monday morning I will be posting a question for all of you.  I don't want to call it a contest, but in it's own special way it is, because the person with the best answer will receive a nice little prize.  The guys might not appreciate this little game much, but I guarantee you gals are going to get a kick out of it.  Just remember to keep an open mind!  Do I have you wondering yet?  See you Monday!

The Orange Grove

                                                                
The Outhouse.
The Orange Grove.
The Loo.
The Water Closet.
The John.
The Library.
The Potty.
The Bathroom.
The Restroom.

There are so many different names for the room that holds the throne.  Back in the day they had outhouses.  This one is ours.  The previous owner did not have water or electric out here so he needed a place to "go."  He built this one-hole outhouse.  When I was a kid my Grandma had a two-holer.  I never could figure out why anyone would want someone in there with them while they were doing their business.  Come to find out the reason they had two holes was because the holes were different sizes.  One for the kiddos so they wouldn't fall in and one for the adults.  Why in the world would they call it The John?

Today, we still have names for our bathrooms.  Why are they all called bathrooms when some don't even have a bathtub?  Why are they called restrooms?  We don't go in there to rest.  Okay, some of you might. 

While working at the Doctor's office we had them named.  The restroom in the front of the office, the one the patients used, was called the Orange Grove.   The  Orange Grove was the restroom you went to if you had some serious business to do.  The restroom in the back was called The Spice Island.  It was for the quick trips.  If there was some serious business done at Spice Island we all suffered because it was close to our desks, and  The Orange Grove was around the corner.   When one of us would have to go, we would say where we were going and not have to announce to the world that we were going to the bathroom.  As you have probably already guessed, we named the restrooms the scent of air freshener that was in there.

Have you ever used an outhouse?  Is that what it was called?  Or did your family have another unique name for it?

Emeril's Spicy Nuts

Okay, this has nothing to do with Emeril or his spicy nuts, but Mrs. Ca had a funny post about watching Emeril one morning.  Reading that post reminded me of a funny little story.

As a kid we used to do our grocery shopping in "the city."  There is a Crest Foods there.   Crest is like a warehouse grocer.  Anyway, we had made a trip up to get groceries and Mom decided that since we had behaved while shopping, she would get us a treat at Sonic.  I honestly don't remember what I got but, my sister wanted a hot fudge sundae.  She ordered it and then said, "Do you have nuts?"  She wasn't old enough to realize what she had just said.  We couldn't hear the teenage boy's response over all of our laughter.  I guess he did have nuts because when the carhop brought our order out, her hot fudge sundae was covered in nuts.

Just a few funnies about this post that didn't make it in the previous paragraph.  They just didn't fit.

Every trip to the grocery store Mom would have to turn around and tell us to shake a leg.  Meaning hurry it up.  But what do you think we would do?  Yep, stand there in the middle of the aisle and shake a leg.  Oh, the good times at the grocery store.

And at the Sonic, the carhop wore roller skates.  Speaking of Sonic, has anyone seen the Sonic commercial about blogging?  It is too funny!  I laugh everytime I see it.  I am trying to get the look down so I can use it on McD.  HA!  Anyway, Brian, the guy in the commercial with his wife, really does have a blog.  If you check it out be sure to look at his About.

My Look-alikes

I don't know if I agree with this or not.  I did it again with another photo and a few of the same people on it.  I just didn't think you would be interested in all of that.

Willowtree - I would like to see yours.  See if Charlie Daniels shows up.